Last Night...

... someone died holding my hand at work. My heart was pounding as I was running around trying to get a stethoscope and an oxygen reader. I felt no pulse. I called my supervisor, I called their family. I looked in her file, she was a DNR... 30 people -all family- to this person showed up within a few hours, as well as the mortuary and took this lady away. I couldn't believe how fast it all happened. 15 minutes?? It seemed absurd... My guess is that she had another stroke or an aneurysm. I couldn't believe our conversation at dinner went like this...

resident: Hey. I need your help.

me: yes?

resident: How can I get this on top of this?

me: you don't want to eat those 2 things together... this is your salad that you eat with a fork, and this is your breadstick, you can eat it with your hands.

resident: It won't kill me?

me: No, it won't kill you I promise.

(residents say things like this all the time)... I just couldn't believe it.

Family Home Evening came and said that she was having a really hard time responding to them and that she was in a lot of pain. They came and got me to have a look... and that's when my heart was racing. I made lots of phone calls. I checked for vitals... and there was nothing there...

I KNOW it wasn't the food that did that... but it's just absurd...that those are the last words she said... I was a bit emotional for about 45 minutes, falling really behind schedule as I talked with family and told them what happened... I thought about it all night, and even dreamed about a new resident (fake) that was completely physchotic. I still can't stop thinking about it... I can't believe it. I knew it would happen sooner or later on my shift though, and I'm becoming more and more acquainted with death, and I know I will have to get used to it since I'm trying to get into nursing school. Anyway.

I guess I can't make promises to these people that I can't keep...